WHY

Let me attempt at positivity of outlook, and start with a list of the things of law school which are good.

I am taking a path which, however ill-directioned, has been trodden by noble Legion – presidents and prime ministers, people of the highest pay and power. (“The Foosteps Defense”)

I am getting through it, for its own sake. (“The Boot Camp”)

I am proving, for the first time in my life, that I am able to succeed in normative, lecture-hall report-card academe. (“The Grade-point”)

I have been given a good introduction to several legal department. (“The Survey”)

It beats flippin’ burgers (“The Ivy Nuremberg Defense”)

Not bad. Useful at least. But let’s delve.

FOOTSTEPS: Made by friends, leading off a bridge.

BOOT CAMP: I’ve done harder things that weren’t wastes of my time.

GPA: I am the poster-child for not giving a hell ass damn. (Moreover: having gotten good grades in Semester One, I am entirely without motivation to do so again. I have proven to my satisfaction it can be done. Proving it five more times is the sum of redundancy.)

SURVEY: The entirety of the entire first semester could have been imparted to me by a week spent reading the material, alone. By two days, maybe, spent reading material better organized for the direct imparting of what-needs-be-known. Classes were unnecessary. Useless. Beyond a doubt.

IVY EICHMANN: Law school is designed to be aggressive. It is unpleasant. Not terribly so – no tears here. But if it helps anybody to learn, I am not they. I find it at worst distracting, and at best, wholly goddam dull.

As a result I am quite unsure if it *does* beat manual labor. Over the last few weeks I have come uncomfortably close to deciding, quite firmly, that it does not. I have walked out of classes. I have walked out in a rage. I have been able to sit through some classes only by spending the entire class reading Pound on my tablet. In this little world, no centaurs for ants to be.

Would I pass the courses, if I could teach myself the material on my own? Would I ace them? Would I get better grades than if I did not? Yes, yes, and yes – though the latter is difficult, as I received a handful of perfect As already.

Mandatory attendance is evil. This I believe.

It began as easy. It has gotten easier. As I grow more accustomed to the process, any challenge it once possessed has leached out entirely. Now it is an endurance sport, and the things I am enduring are mostly things I do not feel good about ignoring: like the fact that I’m not challenged, not learning, and WASTING TIME.

It is excruciating because I know that it should be. The only way to make the pain go away is to take a deep breath – and hold it.

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